Coming to a Complete Stop

NOTE:  I was sitting with my wife in the window on Saturday when she handed me her journal and asked me to read an entry.  It was some very good stuff on communication, and since good communication is a key asset for any leader, I asked her if she'd like to expand the thoughts and write the week's blog.  Having already thought of the idea herself, she quickly agreed.  So here are my incredible wife's thoughts on one of the key points every leader eventually learns.

 

A few years ago I was qualifying as a certified driving instructor in Ohio.  I had just finished my driving test and the examiner told me I never came to a complete stop at any of the stop signs on the route--not once.  I could not imagine that I had failed to come to a complete stop.  But since I knew better than to argue with a state trooper, I surrendered the point.   If anyone else had said it, I would've strongly objected.

 

This memory came to me yesterday morning after a less than comfortable discussion with my husband (yes we were irritated with each other).  He felt that I had been cutting him off, interrupting him, not permitting him to complete a single thought.  The intensity of his frustration lent credibility to the charge, but in my mind I knew I'd been careful to always wait until he completed a sentence before I jumped in with a question or objection or need of my own.  There was no way he could be right about this.  I had been very careful, because I had stumbled over this many times, and wanted to be blameless this time around.  

 

It was later, while journaling, that the driving test parallel occurred to me.  After my miserably failing that driving test, I applied myself to figuring out how to ensure a complete stop.  Focus on stopping first, and looking both ways second.  I had been "stopping" and looking at the same time.  My focus had been, "Can I go now?" instead of "Stop."

 

As I thought about the conversation with my husband, I realized I had been doing a very similar thing.  I had been letting my husband get one sentence out and then felt justified in quickly jumping in with my thoughts, my reasons.  

 

My focus had been "Can I go now?" instead of "Stop and listen."

 

The  analogy of communication as a traffic intersection is pretty valid.  Two different streams of thoughts, perspectives, feelings and emotions cross at a particular point.  Remembering that car accidents are avoided at an intersection with a traffic light is helpful.   If your focus is just on going straight through the intersection with your thoughts, your ideas, your feelings, and the light is red, you are bound for trouble.  Sometimes you just have to sit and wait until you get the green light.

 

I had stumbled over a common communication struggle.  When I should have done the "stop-listen-and wait for the green light" I was focused on "can I go now."

 

Listening, the waiting side of communication.

 

 

 

the wife of  

the man in the window

 

 Cheryl and Bruce have been married for 31 years.

What's the Difference?

My Dad had given me a blower that he had purchased on clearance from a Walmart in Elmira, NY about 15 years ago.  A 2 cycle blower that could also vacuum leaves and mulch them.  I used it every year in Austintown, and every year since I have been in Norwalk.  Over the last few years I noticed it began to be more temperamental in starting and that it began to run lean, so I usually had to apply some choke to keep it running.  It kept running so year after year I kept using it.

 

This fall the blower began to run even leaner than it had before.  To blow the leaves off my driveway or out of the yard I often h

ad to restart it after it simply stalled out.  But I kept nursing it along.  I actually used it twice like that to 

clear the front lawn of leaves.  

 Finally after one of those days when the trees shed their leaves in droves, I gave up on the blower.  It had stalled out ten times in ten minutes and it was apparent that it could no longer do the job, meet the need.  It could no longer perform.

I headed off to Tractor Supply, forked over the money I would have preferred not to have spent, and took home my new 2 cycle blower, vac/mulching machine.  Ten minutes later the lighter, more efficient, more powerful motor roared to life.  Ten minutes later the lawn was free of leaves.  What a difference the new blower made.

 

I hadn't realized how much efficiency I had sacrificed over the years.  I hadn't realized how much more effort I was putting into the chore because the tool I was using was losing its power.  I hadn't realized how dramatic the change would be when the new blower was used.  It was actually enjoyable to run it, to use it. 

 

Today I have to go back out and blow more leaves.  And as I was sitting in the coffee house, the Holy One began to teach me about the blower, about leadership.

 

Sometimes we may hang on to a tool, a method way too long.  We keep pushing at it, keep tweaking it, we get it running again, we get a job done, but we lose effectiveness, efficiency, power.  Somewhere along the way we lose sight of the tipping point of when it costs too much time, energy, frustration to keep it running.  But year after year we keep dragging the same tool, the same methods out.

 

My allegiance to the blower my Dad gave me, my misdirected sense of frugality (if it runs, it doesn't need to be fixed or replaced), my stubbornness thinking that I could get it done with a failing tool, impacted the mission-clearing the leaves.  It was harder than it needed to be, it took more time, it robbed me of joy and pleasure.  I could say I got the leaves cleared, but it wasn't a good thing.

 

I changed the tool, accomplished the mission-clearing the leaves, discovered fresh power, new enthusiasm, greater effectiveness and efficiency.  I actually told my wife, I should have done that a couple of years ago.

 

Leaders lead.  One aspect of that leadership is the continual review, evaluation of everything that we do and how we do it.  Leaders know we are not called to a method, but to a mission.  And one of the traps that is so easy for us to fall into is commitment to the tool at the sacrifice of the mission.

 

What about you where you lead?  Have you held on to things, tools, methods too long?  Are there tools, methods that have lost their edge, their power?  Is it time for a new tool, a new method, a new approach?

 

Leaders serve the Mission, not method.  Keep leading.

 

the man in the window

Lifting and the Road Back

I have been sharing a few things from my lifting experience in the last few emails.  Lessons about how our schedule can so easily squeeze out the important things, lessons about how much is lost when we forget or neglect the habits that define us.  But last night I was reminded once again of one of the important leadership lessons when I was lifting.

 

I have only been back to lifting for about five weeks, and on my best weeks that means three workouts:  one working on chest, one working on back, and one working on arms.  Last night was chest--inclined bench, declined bench and fly's.

 

After just five weeks back, in each of those three exercises I worked at the heaviest weights I had ever worked out at.  Five weeks earlier I had lost ground, fallen back.  But five weeks later I was not only back to where I was, but I had surpassed my previous marks.

 

That's the lesson.  And it was huge to me.  You caught it, right?

 

It's true that when the schedule crowds out the habits that make us a good leader, there is a price to be paid.  We fall back, we lose ground.  Whenever we neglect the defining habits, we pay a price. That is a sobering thought, a serious lesson, one that every leader needs to heed.

 

But the lesson last night was a jubilant thought.  You see, last night I was reminded that when ground has been lost, when habits that shape our lives have been neglected, the ground can be reclaimed, redeemed, restored.  The recommitment to the habit, the restored discipline, not only swiftly gets you back to where you were, but on the advance, moving forward.

 

Was it frustrating to have lost ground?  YES.

 

Was it worth the fight to get into the discipline?  Absolutely.

 

That's the lesson.  When we've let a discipline slide, a habit that defines us lapse, it's worth the effort to get back to where we were.  Always.

 

As a leader have you let a habit slide?  Are you in his word?  Are you stretching yourself to grow?  Pressing forward in prayer?  Are you on top of the disciplines that guard your heart from lust, avarice, sloth?  Or have you drifted?

 

There is Good news.  Reapply, start anew, do again the early things that defined you, and the ground can be regained.

 

The Forgiver challenged a church that was once ablaze with passionate service to do just that.

 

"But I have this complaint against you. You don't love me or each other as you did at first! ⁵ Look how far you have fallen! Turn back to me and do the works you did at first. 

Revelation 2:4,5

The Man in the Window

Bruce D. Rzengota
Norwalk Alliance Church

-- To follow Jesus is to learn to move with God.